Observe. Love. Rise above.
I’m just going to say it:
It’s so much easier to love our families when we’re not in the same room with them.
I bet you know exactly what I mean.
Recently I returned from a long weekend visiting a friend in another state. I was actually looking forward to seeing my 17-year-old daughter again after several days away.
That pleasure lasted, I’d say, about fifteen minutes after walking in the door. And then we were in a fight… or at least she was.
As with most teenagers, she wanted to go far beyond what I felt were safe boundaries for an upcoming event. We had to find a compromise.
My girl is really good at a lot of things, but compromising is not one of them.
She went from 0 to 150 in ten seconds.
There was shock: “How could you possibly do this to me, Mom?”
Anger: “That’s not fair!”
Polarization: “If that’s what you’re going to make me do, then I won’t go at all!”
Fear: “My friends are going to be so upset! I already told them I’m all in!”
Questionable memory: “That’s not what you said last week!”
Outright manipulation: “Dad said I could!” (Dad did not say she could.)
All this in a tone and volume that sent the cats scurrying out of the room.
But this time, I didn’t fight back.
Maybe because this isn’t my first rodeo, maybe because I’d just had a relaxing weekend away, maybe because I’ve been doing my spiritual and emotional healing for a long time now.
For whatever reason, this time I didn’t fight back.
And only one person fighting isn’t a fight.
It’s more of a show… I mean, not a good show. A really weird show you don’t remember buying tickets for, but a show all the same.
And I just… watched the show.
I remembered a phrase I received from Source in my daily morning ThetaHealing meditation a few months ago. I liked it (and needed it!) so much, I wrote it on a Post-It note and put it near my computer:
Observe
Love
Rise above
I didn’t ignore my kid. I was right there with her. I observed her. I followed her every loud, furious word.
I loved her… even in her anger, her fear, her manipulation. I was tired of it, and I sort of hated it, but I loved her.
I rose above all the stuff she was slinging at me
Which Means:
I didn’t take it into my heart like I used to… which would have gotten me all crying and activated with “How can she talk this way to me? Why can’t she see how much I do for her?”
Okay, I actually did say exactly that to my husband afterwards. But I didn’t say it to her.
I didn’t sling stuff back at her: “You want to talk about who doesn’t keep their word around here? When was the last time you unloaded the dishwasher?”
It’s VERY tempting to sling back when we’re under verbal attack.
I didn’t take it into my heart like I used to… which would have gotten me all crying and activated with “How can she talk this way to me? Why can’t she see how much I do for her?”
Okay, I actually did say exactly that to my husband afterwards. But I didn’t say it to her.
I didn’t sling stuff back at her: “You want to talk about who doesn’t keep their word around here? When was the last time you unloaded the dishwasher?”
It’s VERY tempting to sling back when we’re under verbal attack.
I didn’t try to talk when I couldn’t trust everyone involved (my daughter, my husband, me) to stay calm.
I told her we’d talk about it later, I reconnoitered with my husband, we gave on some issues, we held firm on others, we went back later and told her the compromise.
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If she were older or calmer, we’d have worked the compromise out with her instead of for her. But like I said, not her strong point.
No one was feeling real jubilant the rest of the night, but the next day, my daughter was friendly and chatty with me.
That would not have happened if I had fought back, overpowered her, or fallen apart crying.
It would have been amazing if you’d been met with this when you were a kid:
Observe. Love. Rise above.
If you’d like to discover some easy practices that will support your ability to rise above all the times people in your life sling their ammunition at you, you can schedule a package of three sessions here.