What the Mean Voice in Your Head Really Wants

March 1, 2024

We all have them: those voices in your head that criticize or doubt or people please. Let’s talk about them. They’re vitally important in a few ways.

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We all have them: those voices in our head that criticize or doubt or people please. Let’s talk about them. Because they’re vitally important in a few ways:

  • Are you so accustomed to the voices that you don’t even realize they’re dictating your feelings, thoughts, and beliefs? This means you’re not truly in control of your own life.
  • Do you think one of them is actually who you are. Not true! The quicker you get out from under that illusion, the better your life will be.  
  • You probably didn’t originate these voices, even if you’ve integrated them into your thinking patterns. They’re just echoing someone important from your past. This means they really aren’t even yours. Did you hear that? They’re not even yours!  
  • Are you trying to argue with these voices, outshout them, reason with them? This doesn’t work, as it only encourages the voices to get louder and more obstinate. Acknowledge and dismiss them.

Here’s a typical cast of voices –

Do you recognize any of these from inside of your head?

I’m Not Good Enough Voice
Fear Voice
Make Sure Everyone’s Happy Voice
I’m Perfect Voice
I’m An Idiot Voice
Everyone Else Is An Idiot Voice
Remember When Things Were Better Voice
I Can’t Voice
I Love Myself Voice
It’s Going to Somehow Be Okay Voice
Let’s Have Fun Voice

Usually, we rotate about four of those. And usually, we listen to them. And usually, we are so frustrated that we keep listening to them, but then we listen again because we don’t know what else to do. 

You now know this secret: the voices in your head are not you.

They are just thoughts, feelings, habits of thinking, some passed down from one generation to the next, some made up to cope as you’ve lived your life.

You are not them. You are your sovereign self. You are a being that is far beyond the voices in your head. You are an amazingly powerful and beautiful soul that came here to expand and grow; to love and be loved.

Your sacred task is to rise above the voices in your head and get to know your sovereign self. Live in and from your sovereign self. Your voices will speak up again and again, and you politely decline to listen. You return over and over to your sovereign self. Eventually the voices quiet down a bit.

So How???

How do you ignore those pesky voices and living from your sovereign self?

First, set aside 15 minutes or so a day to sit quietly and focus on your breathing. You can call it meditating, but unless you’ve been a Buddhist monk for a long while, it won’t feel meditative at all. Because your mind is a noisy and complicated place.

By trying to sit quietly and just breathe for 15 minutes, at first, you’re practicing seeing what voices you have. It can be quite entertaining if you stay detached and just observe them. It’s a creative, hysterical, time-traveling madhouse in there.

It can help to name the voices – “Oh, it’s Frank Fearful; I know him well.” Sometimes a voice will sound like someone you love – “Wait… Mom?”

What to do?

Do. Not. Engage. The voices WANT to argue, yell, tell you in great detail how right they are.

Speaking negatively to a voice in your head just creates more suffering. Now you have an argument on your hands, and it’s in your own head.

Simply return to your sovereign self. You’ll know her when you feel her. She is unconditionally loving, often funny, wise, detached from all the drama in your life, completely without judgment. She is eager to learn and expand. She thrives on joy. She is you and she loves you at the same time. She is completely connected to the Universe. 

Feeling one with your sovereign self is being in flow state. The more time you spend in flow state, the less you’ll listen to your voices. The more time you spend in flow state, the more you’ll live as your sovereign self. 

Oh, and what does that mean voice in your head really want?
It wants to be loved.
That’s all.

It wants to be acknowledged, accepted, and loved. Then it will finally freaking relax.

Are you intrigued and ready to change your life?

Try a Get Unstuck Zoom with me. We will talk about what keeps on happening in your life, I’ll give you my intuitive insight on WHY that keeps happening, I’ll ask you what it is you DO want to be happening, and we’ll develop a game plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be.


Also, my group coaching container, Emerge, kicked off last week with several amazing people who are working with me (and together) towards transforming their lives.  We would love to have you join us.  Schedule a Get Unstuck Zoom with me and let’s discuss if it’s time for you to join the group!  You will have access to last week’s recording, 1:1 sessions with me, and Buddy Connects with someone in the group.

I am here for you!